My Mom and NASA STS-51I

I can only recall one time my father wasn’t willing to take my mom somewhere. It was 1985 and my mothers wanted to watch Space Shuttle Discovery land at Edwards AFB. Discovery’s flight lasted 7 days, 2 hours, 17 minutes, 42 seconds and it landed on September3, 1985 at 6:15:43 a.m.

But that’s the end of the story and that’s almost never what I’m all about. Now I, like my father, wasn’t crazy about getting up at Oh Dark Thirty but I could see my mom really wanted to go. It wasn’t surprising. My mom liked to watch construction work being done. She liked watching the Lockheed SR-71 under full afterburner at the airshow at Point Mugu.

A Lockheed SR-71 under full afterburner.

In fact, my mother told the story of the sights and sounds of the Blackbird many times after the show. She just loved stuff like that.

A retired Lockheed SR-71A (Blackbird, s/n 64-17972, A19920072000) photographed on a road in front of the Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum temporary Blackbird storage hangar at Dulles International Airport, Chantilly, Virginia.

On that early autumn morning, I picked my mom up in my 1981 Nissan Diesel pickup truck and we made our way to the high desert a little before 4 a.m. Topanga was quiet but not empty and a early-season Santa Ana was working its way south. 

Nothing, and I mean nothing, sounds and feels like a diesel cruising on a freeway in the dark. There’s a quality to the pitch and rhythm of the engine (in this case the Nissan SD-22, originally designed for use in forklifts) that makes it feel steady and inevitable and loyal as it powers the truck forward into time and space. Somehow, someway, a cruising diesel constantly reminds you that you’re truly going somewhere.

You can feel it in your bones.

We picked up the 405 and left the 118 behind and all was still dark. Sunrise was at 6:27 a.m. and Discovery was supposed to land fifteen minutes before then. Traffic on the 14 was a little heavier going south than north. It felt like we were the only ones heading toward the dry lake even though I knew we weren’t. We rolled on, mostly in silence, my mom commenting from time to time about the way the mountains had been cut to allow the highway to go through.

I don’t remember where we got off the 14. There was no GPS and I don’t even think we brought a map. We only had our reckoning and that turned out to be enough. Looking at a map, I will guess we got off somewhere around Rosamond before we headed east. Finally, we saw a small collection of cars and campers sitting on the side of the road, south of what we could later see was the dry-lake runway itself. I picked a place to park and we got out of the truck and stretched our legs. Then, we waited along with a few hundred others who huddled in small groups in the pre-dawn chill.

A few guys further up the road scanned the sky with binoculars, while trying to guess the direction of Discovery’s approach. Finally, in the very quietest moment, a boom rolled over the desert. Seconds later, a cheer rose from the faithful and everyone looked skyward to catch a glimpse of the shuttle on its approach.

Finally, we could see it. It didn’t look much like an airplane. As it traveled across the indigo sky, it also descended, very fast. It looked very much like a stone falling and it was hard to imagine something falling so fast could ever slow enough to make its way safely down the runway. 

Finally, Discovery made a huge, soft turn and began to approach the dry lake from the east. Now the shape of Discovery could be clearly seen as it lined up perfectly above the center of the runway. Discovery was no more than a few hundred feet away as it passed us, close enough for us to see its red and white parachute billow from the rear of the fuselage. The crowd whooped as it went by and once it was stationary, far in the distance, people began to look at one another, making sure everyone had witnessed what they had experienced. That’s an interesting kind of sharing, seeing something so noteworthy and, for my mom and me, unique in all of our lives. A couple years later, I would again stand at Edwards and look to the sky as Chuck Yeager broke the sound barrier in an McDonnell Douglas F-4 Phantom II on the 40th anniversary of his 1947 flight in the Bell X-1.

But on that day in 1985 I thought only of my mother and how lucky we were to share such an amazing experience. My mom turned to me and grabbed my arm. “Paulie, I’m so glad we saw this!”

My Mom and NASA STS-51I

Throwing away an idea

One of the reasons I insure my now-aged 2006 Mini Cooper with Hagerty is the ongoing enjoyment I get from reading their superb Drivers Club quarterly magazine. First of all, the issues are printed. This fact makes me think think back on the USGA’s defunct magazine, Golf Journal, surely one of the best golf periodicals ever and also a stinging example of the USGA’s lack of vision and why golf sucks. I have collected a handful of year’s worth of Drivers Club issues. I keep them in wooden magazine holders I’ve owned for decades. When the dedicated holders got full about a year ago I decided to purge the least-interesting past issue whenever a new issue arrived in my PO Box.

Wednesday is happy hour day (I say day because my friends at Institution don’t do HH every day but only on Wesnesdays and only from 4-6pm. Geez.) at Institution Ale and I made sure to bring my reading glasses so I could devour the issue in a hop and sunshine-augmented vibe. The issue was a little disappointing but I still read most of it. By the time I finished my one-and-done ON PINS & NEEDLES (Session IPA) I had closed the magazine, done with it and sure it was the latest issue not to make it into the vanishing space of my wood magazine holders. By the way, I don’t usually care for session IPAs but this one was excellent, while not at all like being hit over the head as are so many of the big-boned, broad-shouldered IPAs I typically enjoy. After leaving my empty glass on the bar I noticed a trash can and unceremoniously dumped the current issue of Drivers Club.

Then, I forgot all about it.

Until this morning.

While on my 30-minute drive to tennis I made a couple voice memos, two of them actually. After I finished the second recording my mind flashed to the day before and the trashed magazine. And then I remembered the largely subliminal urge that caused me to throw the magazine away.

There was an article in the magazine about a guy who set out in his crappy old Mitsubishi pickup / camper to visit some of the environs of California’s own, John Steinbeck. Something about the guy’s set up irked me. I may not have appreciated the Steinbeck works he focused on, especially Travels with Charley, but there was something else that kept me from reading an essay that might have been right up my reading alley. I know Steinbeck’s work well, having read all of his works (even his superb short stories) with the exception of East of Eden. I could easily do what this guy did (absent the mini-truck camper). What afflicted me was simple road trip envy.

Yes, we recently returned from my family reunion in the midwest.

Yes, we extended our trip with a three-day visit with my dear friend MIB in south-eastern Michigan.

And, yes, we hope to make it to Sacramento sometime this fall.

And, that was enough when it comes to travel for a while.

But, a true road trip is different. I haven’t been on one of those for years. To me, road trips differ significantly from simply traveling by car. One of the main differences is a lack of advanced hotel/motel reservations. This is especially doable when on one’s home turf, which I am whenever I am in California. Unless I’m way north of Redding, I’m more than happy to head for home if I can’t find anywhere to stay. A big challenge for me is finding places in California I’ve not been before or places I’ve forgotten about or would actually like to visit. A friend of mine just got home from riding the historic Skunk Train in Fort Bragg. Fort Bragg is a weak maybe while the Skunk Train is a big probably not.

Even though I’m not excited by the prospect of riding a near-silent rail car I would like to spend some time in California in the 300+ miles from Fort Bragg to Medford, Oregon. Here I am thinking of the Trinity National Forest and the Six Rivers National Forest.

But now the calendar says September and that makes me wonder when we will have the chance to take another road trip.

I hope it’s soon.

In the meantime, I wonder if I can find a copy of the current issue of Hagerty Drivers Club on Ebay?

Throwing away an idea

Confusion, anger and the sublime at McDonald’s

I am at McD watching the long, slow flow of customers who want the kind of help they’re used to but is no longer available. Phase 1 looks like confusion as it comes to the faces of the 40-something and 50-somethings, mostly males.

Do I stand at the counter and wait?

Should I call out?

Pacing across the small space can happen next followed closely by a look of exasperation.

Finally, anger shows up often with an awkward attempt to find others who are suffering similarly in their attempt to buy a Senior Coffee, even though it exists only in their memories.

Nothing works anymore.

You can’t get anything.

Then I realized that we all exist inside of a rapidly changing system. All includes the McD employees and even the people who conceived, designed and put the current system into action. Nearly all of them can remember at least a fews days before kiosks and in-app purchase came into being and fast food meant a uniformed high school kid lashed onto a computer terminal. That kid used to be the tip of the the sword, the singularity where all customer need confronted McD’s ability to accommodate or refuse it. Today, most employees are on the move and no one appears to be slacking off although some move with significantly more determination and purpose. I am talking about teenagers here.

High school age customers know the drill. A few order by app but but most seem to prefer the kiosk. That makes me wonder how they figure out who owes what and who is paying. Somehow it all evens out in the end. The creators of the new regime, and here I resist using the term corporate overlords because I realized that everyone, even the designers and engineers who created the new systems are, themselves, merely reacting to and adapting to continuously shifting sands. No one knows, before it’s tried, if self-check, in-app purchase will work and deliver us all safely to fast-food paradise.

But, back to anger, though sadly, to be sure. Being confused is dandy. I’ve been there. But, letting confusion slip into anger that’s dumped on a 17-year old making minimum wage is totally fucked up. There’s this one kid and I say kid because I honestly cannot say if the employee is a he, she or a they. Because of the employee’s voice I am going to refer to her as she. She is delightful. Big, black framed glasses with curly brown hair working its way out from under her McD baseball hat she has to wear. She seems to smile warmly at everyone, all the time. She is always pleasant. Everything is no problem while her smile goes from warm to warmer. If a smart lawyer saw her, he’d hire her simply for her pleasantness. Pick her up and drop her into a law firm and she’d be a perfect receptionist. Clients would love her. She’d make oodles more money and be on her way to whatever profession she might choose. Yet, who knows? Maybe McD is giving her a different kind of start toward the same kind of eventual destination.

I hope this.

What really bothers me, though, is the thought of some bilious adult, likely a man, being shitty toward her, the kind of shitty that takes the warm glow from her smile.

Confusion, anger and the sublime at McDonald’s

914 part 1 is done!

It will be up at Amazon within a couple days. When it’s live I will put a link here.

914 is part of a collection of short stories I had hoped to finish by now. Alas. My new plan is to release each (or small mini-collections) while I continue to work on the collection. This will give me time to revise the stories individually before dealing issues related to the collection.

The collection will be available both in ebook and on paper, the individual stories are electronic exclusively.

A note my workflow evolution. I composed 914 in Apple Notes, as always. But, this time I imported the copy into Pages so I could eventually export it to EPUB. Who knows how long KDP will allow EPUB? No matter, I’m taking advantage for now.

A small lesson learned was that EPUB doesn’t support headers or footers, so no pagination. This makes sense when one considers the resulting copy has to be reflowable.

Pages is not especially intuitive. I can imagine a day when it will be even more like Word. But, it’s manageable and that’s all I ask for today.

914 part 1 is done!

My short story 914 and the cover ChatGPT has been working on.

I’ve finished Part 1 of 914 and I’m pretty happy with it.

It seems our friends at Amazon’s KDP have given up on their MOBI file in favor of their new creation, KPF. For a writer, KPF is just the latest hurdle on the journey to getting what our work onto the KDP platform, but who am I to complain?

Then I thought of something. I composed 914 in my usual app, Apple Notes. Then, after reading about the demise of MOBI on March 18 I noticed that KDP will grudgingly accept an EPUB file. I recalled Apple’s Pages allowed for export to EPUB so I decided to export to Pages and then to EPUB. Part 1 of 914 is long for a short story (about 6,000 words) but simple in terms of layout. There are no sections or chapter headings and I don’t care much about widows and orphans for something that won’t appear on paper until my entire short story collection is done. So, I dumped the 914 copy into Pages, worked out pagination and a header, and now I’m down to editing. If the resulting file is really cool with the wise algos at KDP then I’m cool, too.

I had some ideas about the cover but I really don’t want to spend too much time on it. 914 is only one of a collection of short stories I decided to publish by itself. Why not? There’s no downside and it seems wise to keep up with how KDP’s machinery works as well as I can. Enter ChatGPT. Chat is all in and came up with two promising ideas in the snap of the finger. After I made a few corrections Chat said:

Great choice! I’ll modify the image to include a classic blue-and-yellow California plate with a slightly obscured number while keeping the overall aesthetic intact. I’ll get that done and share it with you shortly. I’ll start working on the modifications now. Once it’s ready, I’ll share the updated version with you.

And then, nothing. When I reached out this morning to check progress Chat said:

Good morning! I haven’t started editing the image yet, but I’ll get to work on it now. I’ll update you as soon as it’s ready!

At least he’s positive and enthusiastic. Who knew working with AI would feel exactly the same as working with a living, breathing artist?

My short story 914 and the cover ChatGPT has been working on.

Who knows? Maybe the windows rolled up.

It’s been a long time since I’ve seen a Honda Civic Wagon from the mid to late 1980s. It’s it was slick and aero to the original Civic Wagon was square and boxy.

It is said that the Chrysler PT Cruiser was based on the Civic’s functionality though obviously not on the Honda’s looks.

That the Civic was a better and more practical car, there’s no doubt. And I will say no more about the PT Cruiser. It is best forgotten.

No, this is about the Civic Wagon I saw today. I wanted to take a photo of it but somehow it felt too intrusive.

It was, spectacular.

It was in Ventura and it was white. There was a single surfboard on a nicely done roof rack. I could see there had been some “modifications“ on the inside. The backseat was gone and the passenger seat had its seat back removed. I could see two long fishing poles going from the front to the back where a passenger, in a different time and place, might have sat.

I wondered to myself, who owns this?

Other than the roof rack, it appeared all original. The rims were steel Honda 13 inchers and the minuscule tires looked better suited to a golf cart.

I just had to see who owned it. I thought that I knew exactly what he looked like, but I had to see him for myself. And then there he was. He was probably a little younger than me but he managed to look older. He was lean and gray with a hat on his head and to-the-knees board shorts. He loaded something into the back before getting into the driver’s seat.

The little Honda, of course, started instantly and ran smoothly, like any Civic. As he pulled out of the driveway, I could see his rear license plate, a California plate, of course, was even more faded than the car’s paint.

Both owner and car were spectacularly OG and legit. Yes, there is a part of me that wishes I had taken a photo of the both of them. Who knows, he may have enjoyed the attention. On the other hand, it would feel, to me, like disturbing a wild animal in its natural habitat. Who knows? Maybe the windows, which were all rolled down, still rolled up? As if it matters.

They don’t make cars, or even many guys, like that anymore; full of purpose and devoid of pretense.

Who knows? Maybe the windows rolled up.

A checklist for your personal golf detox

I You do not suck because of your golf swing.

Great. I’m already amending my thesis. You do not suck because of your swing. If you have a handicap between 12 and +1. The fact is you don’t suck at all compared to most people who consider themselves golfers let alone those non-golfers who know you play. No, to them you’re already good. It’s only you who thinks you suck and believes that if your swing was better you’d be better.

II Your game will not be helped by a fitting session, no matter how expert. 

Your game will not improve because of a new driver, fitted shaft or fresh wedges. Flightscope is not your friend or your savior. It’s a pusher. Avoid being an addict.

III If you have been playing for more than 5-7 years, and you are over 45 years of age, you are probably done improving.

Live with it. Embrace it even. Sorry to burst your bubble but you’re also not going to become a faster runner. Consciousness of limitation is not causal to a limitation on your enjoyment of golf or any pastime.

IV The rare, rare, rare exceptions to point III prove the point.

Feel free to rub my nose in it. Send me stories about all the 45+ year olds you know whose handicaps have dropped from 10 to 5 or 4-2. 

I’m waiting.

V Here’s an old relationship rule that applies perfectly to golf.

If you’re in a challenging personal relationship ask yourself this: If nothing gets better, would you still continue with the relationship? The genius of this question is this: If you can hang in there with no improvement, any improvement will make the relationship (and your life) better and more enriching. Imagine how happy you would be about your golf game if you adopted this mindset.

VI The golf industry is not you and you are not the golf industry.

Why does this obvious fact matter? Because it should not matter to you how far the very best players in the world hit the ball or even the equipment they sometimes use but always endorse. Their spin rates shouldn’t matter nor should any other specification of their performance.

VII Last year I attended the Women’s US Am at Bel Air CC.

I overheard no fewer than three men muse about the distances the top four players achieved off the tee. 

Each said a variation of, “You know, they’re so smooth and their clubs are totally matched to their games.” 

As if… 

Finally, loosened by SoCal sunshine and two on-course beers I spoke up. 

“That’s totally wrong but you won’t like the truth.” 

Incredulous male golf fan: “Oh really, and what’s the truth?”

“The truth is that the four players on the course today are elite athletes. You and I are not.”

VIII You suffer because of denial and a lack of honesty about your golf goals. 

Today I asked a good friend who is a superb athlete about his golf goals for the rest of the year and beyond. He spoke of a battle with the course and a battle with himself. I thought to myself; what happens when we are battling ourselves? I think all of us, the yin and yang and the golfer, lose.

IX For the professional and the high-level amateur golf is a battle, with an opponent and the field.

Amateurs should celebrate their general freedom from these battles. They should celebrate the game for the sake of the game. Being outdoors for the simple joy of being outdoors and the fun of spending time with their companions. 

To quote Jones, “Golf is a game best enjoyed with the convivial companionship of close friends and loved ones.” 

Amen, Emperor Jones.

X Detoxing from golf is unlikely not impossible.

I’ve found my golf detox through another game that (so far) eschews unreasonable expectations, a game that emphasizes playing the game rather than a discrete athletic motion regarded in isolation. You can detox your golf game in a way that will maximize your enjoyment of the game. 

The question is, will you?

A checklist for your personal golf detox

Tennis thing: Racket thing 

It’s said that Novak Djokovic plays a tennis racket based a fifteen year old Head frame design. When I heard this and considered the fact for a few moments I thought to myself, the tech hasn’t advanced. If it had, Djokovic and the rest of the high-level players would be taking advantage.

Now this struck me as odd since tennis tech, as evidenced by string and rackets, advanced significantly sometime during the Agassi era. It’s easy to imagine how the move from wood to metal to graphite and the simultaneous evolution of strings, from gut to multifilaments, co-polys and polyester monofilaments, changed tennis forever, if maybe not for better.

I’ve come to describe tennis as an oppositional striking game, approximating some of the  confrontation elements that take place between a pitcher and hitter. Other than appropriate footwear, the racket is pretty much all the equipment a player brings into battle. In high level professional tennis, rackets are quite nearly disposable. To the enthusiast they are alternately sources of fascination or confusion.

The mechanics of a tennis racket are fairly simple. This is not to say that designing or building a racket is simple. Contemporary tennis rackets are the flower of post-industrial revolution advances in materials science and mass production. In some ways they are equatable to a contemporary golf driver. Both are component devices; one comprised of racket frame and string and the other of driver head and glued shaft. A driver’s playability is determined by the integration of shaft/head/player. In tennis, it’s obviously racket/strings/player. Both golf and tennis have well-developed industries to research, manufacture and market products but what do those wildly successful commercial efforts mean to the player?

I don’t want to get too carried away by ideas about the physics or mechanics of the tennis racket or the driver for that matter. Suffice it to say both improved very rapidly a few decades ago and both, today, have reached a kind of stasis. That stasis comes from a combination of two things. The first is the theoretic maximum of coefficient of restitution (COR, hereinafter). COR is the degree to which a modern driver face can deflect thereby allowing the ball to travel further assuming a given club head speed. So, virtually every modern professional golfer is using a driver head with essentially matched technology in terms of basic mechanics. I think the same thing is true when it comes to tennis rackets. The industry has pretty much figured it out. Now, this doesn’t mean all tennis rackets perform identically. They vary by length, weight and flexibility on at least two axis. The difficult and more interesting question is this: how do changes in those qualities affect a tennis player? 

TW’s drivers, 1997 on the left and 2018 on the right
No, TW did not put the pop-up mark on the old driver

Let me dodge that issue momentarily by shifting back to golf. If we regard Tiger Woods career as lasting roughly two decades, we will see that he started out using a driver that was pretty much from the decade that proceeded it. In other words, the next generation drivers being used today had not yet been developed by 1997. So, Tiger Woods when he first came onto the PGA Tour, used a driver (a King Cobra Deep Face 9 degrees, True Temper Dynamic Gold X100 shaft. The X100 shaft is steel, heavy steel at that. The driver’s steel head displaced somewhere around 210cc. A few years after that the driver boom occurred. The boom was caused by the simultaneous development of aluminum titanium alloys, which allowed the head size to balloon to 460cc and also the ability to maximize the mentioned coefficient of restitution. So, by the mid 2000s Tiger Woods would be using a driver with a graphite shaft and an aluminum / titanium alloy head that rode the edge of maximum allowable COR as regulated by the United States golf Association. 

By the mid 2000 driver technology for the most part had maxed out, both in terms of material and technology. Interestingly, if we make the obvious assumption that Novak Djokovic has access to the best equipment in the world, and further, that his racket of choice is based on a fifteen year old design, we can also conclude that tennis rackets, at least for the time being, have also been maxed out. So, back to the earlier question; how does this affect the average player whether a golfer or a tennis player? In both sports, I conclude that the technology advancements of the last fifteen to 20 years has been virtually irrelevant. Tiger Woods, at any point in his professional career, could have gone back to his 1997 steel-headed, steel- shafted driver with very few consequences. It is even arguable (and I have promoted the opinion) that the slight decrease in distance paired with the significant increase in control would have led him to even better play during that time of his career. As regards tennis, I doubt that any amateur player is likely to be disadvantaged by using a racket that’s even older than the one Novak Djokovic plays.

Tennis thing: Racket thing 

Alba Escayo

Let me tell you about being lucky.

I have been lucky enough to have the covers of my last three books created by Alba Escayo.

Alba holding her girl and a copy of
JJM & the 1971 U.S. Open

No, we have never met. 

No, we have never spoken on the telephone, or even by Zoom. 

Yet, somehow, I feel that I know Alba. And I mean beyond her fabulous artwork. Writing, and especially writing books, is a rather lonely and isolating process. And, when you’re done writing, it always seems to come as a surprise that a book has no physical presence or look, beyond the words on the page.

I always respond to that moment with a slight twinge of panic. You see, every writer wants his work to be good and to look good. Some writers (and that includes me) want their words to both read nicely and also to look correctly , for lack of a better word, on the page. When words are kept together or held apart by a stylistically correct layout, they help to encourage the right spirit and heart from the reader. And, once a writer is aware of this fact, he simply can’t commit words to paper without caring about how they look.

But, the panic that I referred to earlier has to do with the cover. The person who said that you cannot judge a book by its cover was right and wrong at the same time. Especially for the self published writer, I think the connection between the writer and the cover artist is nothing less than critical. if the artist doesn’t know the writer, and doesn’t know the book, I just don’t see a way for the artist to create a cover that truly works with the book and its story.

The other day, I was trying to remember when I first crossed paths with Alba Escayo. It was a very long time ago. The subject of the book was golf. And, when I first heard from Alba she wrote of her fondness for her countryman, Seve Ballesteros. Reading about her passion for golf, a game that at the time I don’t believe she had even played, gave me great hope for the project. Later, when I saw her initial sketches, I knew she was perfect for that project and all the ones that will come after.

An early version of Cottonwood’s cover

Alba and I have created two books that revolve around golf. The first was John J. McDermott and the 1971 U.S. Open and the second was Cottonwood. Neither book would be as good as it is without her contribution. Alba’s covers made the book come alive before the reader even opened it. There is no way to place the value on the initial impact that a really great cover can give to a book so I won’t try.

There is also no way to place a value on Alba’s ongoing friendship or her endless patience with my sometimes peculiar visions, but I value both greatly. The depth and sensitivity of her art is fascinating. I can give her nothing more than a few words and get back beautiful images that make me want to use all of them rather than choose one over another.

The sad remnants of the Racquet Club of Palm Springs courtesy of Google Earth or something like it

Tennis thing is an unusual book. But, I told you how lucky I am when it comes to cover art. It turns out that both Alba and I took up tennis at about the same time, she and her girl on the clay courts of Spain and me on whatever SoCal hardcourt will put up with me. For Tennis thing I gave her an odd starting point, the long-abandoned Racquet Club of Palm Springs. The club first opened by in 1934 and it was owned by actors Charles Farrell and Ralph Bellamy. I’m tempted to go into a lot of boring detail about the club and its history and sad decline but I will resist since I’m just trying to show how little I can get away with giving Alba and still get fantastic artwork.

From that visual hunch Alba came up with this:

No, this is not quite the final version of the paperback’s cover but you get the idea. How did she manage to get the precise feel of my book? I will never know yet I am ecstatic with the result. It makes me want to write a better book next time just so I can work with Alba Escayo again.

There’s nothing better than being lucky.

Alba Escayo

Tennis thing: “Paulie, you would love tennis!”

I first wanted to play tennis when I was eleven. But, I didn’t actually play, and neither did any of the 5th-heading-to-6th graders who were unlucky enough to take tennis in summer school in 1971. Shit, I even got a racket, a Pancho Gonzales model I got in exchange for two books of Blue Chip Stamps. I also had enough dough on hand to buy a can of Slazenger tennis balls. My dearest piece of tennis swag was the neat little ball pouch my mom made for me. Rather than lug that silly, cylindrical tin can around I carried my three new tennis balls in the pouch my mother made, complete with drawstring fashioned from an old venetian blind pull-cord.

Rockin’ for sure. 

The only problem, as I mentioned, was that we never hit a ball and the class was unceremoniously cancelled after the first session. It seems no one realized a tennis court needs a net for the game to be a game. Sure, we could have banged balls against the handball court that stood a few feet away but no one thought of that. So, the Spalding tennis racket went home and our springer spaniel, Bo, got to shred the new Slazengers to pieces. There’s always someone who’s happy with an outcome.

Fast forward to late summer of 2023. I’m 62 and I’ve still never played tennis, yet a coalescence of forces somehow got me started in the game. First, was my friend Michael who early in our largely-telephonic relationship would tell me, “Paulie, you’d love tennis!” 

Where Michael got the nerve to call me Paulie I will never know. 

The second force was a spur-of-the-moment stop at nearby Calabasas Tennis & Swim Center. I’d been thinking of taking swimming lessons but nothing had panned out at nearby Pierce College. Indoor pools (like those at area YMCAs) lost their appeal sometime early in the pandemic. After the visit, I found myself checking out the club’s website when I noticed a list of tennis coaches. One name stuck out, I’m not sure why. Maybe it was the first name, Caesar. Heck, I’ve always wanted to know someone named Caesar. Plus, he’d worked with wheel-chair players. I figured anyone who could do that successfully had a decent chance with broken-down me. I sent Caesar an email and waited— for about an hour. Turns out he had time the next day, Monday. Talk about the ball being in my court. I thought it over for a minute before I fired back an email saying I’d be there.

I was ready, if ready meant wearing one of my best golf polos, a pair of khaki golf shorts and my old Nike gym shoes. Caesar was kind enough to offer the loan of one of his cool Tecnifibre rackets. My first lesson was the end of July and it was hot, just the way I like it. One of the unexpected yet best things about taking up something like tennis at my age is this: I had absolutely no idea what to expect. Would I even have a chance to swing at the ball during my first lesson? I remember stories of John Wooden spending the first practice going over the proper way to tie a basketball shoe;  a method that prevented blisters, turned ankles and laces that untied themselves during a game. Maybe that would be how it was. Another nightmare vision stressed running, more running than I could do at 62 and maybe more than I could have done at 42. Caesar is a no-nonsense kind of guy with an outwardly easy yet somehow intense brand of focus. Caesar’s racket in hand I stroked short forehands from the forward-service line as he hit the ball lazily back over the net. I was overjoyed when my first swing sent the ball right back to him. Amazing.

Better than the result, an outcome wholly irrelevant when you consider we weren’t playing a game, was the feeling. It felt good. I could feel the ball and the tension of strings come together before the ball made its way back into Caesar’s court. That was only a few months ago, in late July, but after only a few more swings I was hooked. It wasn’t as if every shot was perfect, or even successful. There was some magical combination of my motion and watching the approach of the ball and unconsciously aligning my body in a way that gave me a clean cut at the ball that grabbed me right away. Michael was right.

Every few balls, after I’d swatted a ball into the net or fouled one off into the court adjacent to us, Caesar would stop long enough for a chat at the net. Those breaks were a relief, a chance for my arm to recover and for me to catch my breath. Caesar always, and I mean to this day, many, many lessons later, always starts by saying something positive before moving on toward something that needs correction, like my forehand follow through.

Caesar’s positive style is still perfect for me, especially with my well-developed ability to be critical of myself. The overall vibe of the club was similarly positive though it took me a while to specify everything I experienced and saw that made it feel that way. First, and this was unexpected, was the presence of actual women. I mean, there were women everywhere, I’m guessing at least half of the people taking lessons were women and an even greater percentage of those who were playing, usually doubles. There were young women, well-tended middle-aged women, little girls and one woman, who had to be at least 75, carrying a Babolat bag that must have weighed at least half as much as she did. 

Being on the tennis courts felt like being out in the world. It was nothing like being on a golf course where 95% of the players were just like me; late middle-aged men. In golf, women and girls are so much in the minority that they always stick out in a way that disadvantages them. But in tennis, they all seemed so at home, so empowered, so much as if they belonged, which they do. Being better for them makes it better for everyone, including me. Even better is the vibe that extends to the way lessons are given. Walking by the courts you can hear students and coaches chatting with each other, sharing a laugh at shots, both good and bad. And, usually, student and coach are playing some approximation of tennis itself. This is almost never true in golf, where the instructor usually stands, arms crossed, observing the student and commenting on an occasional shot.

Stifling. 

Even though I was gassed after my lesson I could feel a connection to the game I had never felt before, except in baseball. It wasn’t like I was great at it, I’m still not. It was the way my motion and flight of the ball and the eventual meeting of the ball and the racket brought a feeling that was just right. Now, when it comes to tennis feeling right it’s not exactly feeling. And, while some elements of tennis do feel natural there are a myriad of details to monitor to make the shot come off, and not all of those come easily. Example? The toss that precedes a serve. More on that later.

Occasionally, in the same way one’s thoughts might drift toward the consideration of mortality, I wonder what might have been if I had turned to tennis when I was 52 or 42 or 32 or 15? It’s fun to think about the rackets of each era, especially the ones that were used when I was 15 in 1976. The Pancho Gonzales model I had when I was 11 would have come in handy, I suppose. But, I manage to keep those feelings away and to stay in the moment, as tennis demands.

Every time I walk onto the court, I feel lucky, and that’s a gift in itself.

Tennis thing: “Paulie, you would love tennis!”