Decisions

Feeling stuck in neutral is not fun for anyone, especially me. For the last week or so it feels like I’ve been waiting for a lot of things. I’m waiting on the cover art for Cottonwood. I’m waiting for a rush of ideas to come to me for my next book. I’m waiting for golf season to really get going. I’m waiting for the wind to calm down (I think it finally has, at least for now). And, I’m waiting for pCloud to finish backing up my music.

Yeah, I know.

That decision came out of nowhere. I had been thinking about subscribing to iTunes Match for a year but I’ve been underwhelmed by Home Sharing of late (it doesn’t always show all of my music) and there are scores of complaints about Match failing to sync entire libraries. I liked the idea of jumping the Apple ecosystem, only when it comes to music. I’m thinking ahead to when I might have my LPs uploaded (to somewhere other than iTunes) and hoping pCloud would handle those files while iTunes would not. We’ll see. I only have $50 on the table for the year so I kind of see it as an experiment.

Today I found myself encouraging my associate in Japan to feel free to experiment a little more. He’s new to the business he’s in and like everyone is trying to accomplish a lot on the fly. For the most part, I hate on the fly, but I know it has its place. I understand the motivation to do everything now; advertise, promote, build, sell. But, each of those tasks are intertwined, especially for a new business. And, quick decisions on each, in its way, can discourage valuable experimentation. After all, once the website is up, you’re done with it, right? It’s all too easy to move on without determining that decisions are being made with as great an emphasis on the quality of the decision as there on the speed of the decision.

Of course, I’m also the guy who feels like he’s in neutral so maybe there’s something else going on here. This is my year of known transition, that transition being the end of my long-time employment. What I’m hoping for this year is an extra dose of intensity but maybe intensity is driven a little more by a valuation of the speed of decision. That is not something that comes naturally to me.

The end of January is right around the corner and I have every confidence that its pace will be matched by the next 11 months. It’s time to get going. Neutral is not my friend. I’m done waiting for stuff. I’m happy to experiment, and willing to fail if there’s some learning in the process. But, being stuck in neutral is getting old and bringing me closer to nowhere. Thanks for reading.

My favorite watercolorist is also my friend, Alba Escayo. She and I go way back. I think we found each other on Elance which is now Upwork. Yup, a classic internet mogul move; change a good name to a lousy one. Alba lives and works in Spain. She created the cover on my first novel and I wanted her to create the cover on Cottonwood as well. I’m always grateful she’s younger than I am because it means she’ll be around to create the cover artwork for every book I write, if she’s willing and I am able.

I had an idea that involved a Cottonwood tree and a figure carrying a golf bag and walking away from the viewer. From underneath the tree, the figure reaches up and touches the low-hanging leaves. The idea of the walking away is that the figure is walking into the future, like all of us. The figure is faceless. It could be anyone. It could be one of the characters in the book but then again maybe not. No matter who it is, he reaches up to touch the tree, to touch a growing life.

I sent Alba an example of my idea but I did a bad job of explaining my vision to her. Probably I was in a hurry or maybe I thought we had discussed it more completely last time we emailed about it, over a year ago. She sent me this a couple days ago:

Now I have a problem, not a bad problem mind you, more like a decision. This is not at all what I had in mind, but I love it. It’s not a golf book so I had no intention of having an image of someone swinging a golf club on the cover, but there it is. And, now that it’s there, it has me doubting my concept. I’ve been reminding myself of some of my best non-advice advice:

It doesn’t really matter.

Of course it does, but maybe not. I wanted Alba to create the cover because I love her work, and this is her work. Now I find myself hesitant to continue to foist my vision on her, especially after she’s blessed me with this beautiful creation. My concept is not the idea of a visual artist but rather of a lowly writer. Part of me is screaming at myself to leave the artwork to the artist, and that is definitely Alba and definitely not me.

But we are talking about me. So, in the end I couldn’t help myself and I emailed Alba with my thoughts. As I said, I love the cover she’s done, and I want it, and I’ll pay her for it gladly. It will hang proudly over my desk and I will smile each time I see it. It may not end up being the artwork I use on the cover and then again it might be.

The decisions made in writing a book, especially a self-published book, go on and on. I’m very happy that no matter what decision I make about the cover art, the work will be Alba’s and it will be fantastic because it is hers.

Today’s writing soundtrack is an elegant 1974 record by Bills Evans called, Symbiosis. It is some of the best of jazz and classical (read: orchestral) music I have ever heard. It is melodically and rhythmically evocative of both times and places I’d like to be. I know a pianist who doesn’t think much of Bill Evans’ work from this era, but I think it is wonderful. Maybe you will, too, so take a listen.

Thanks for dropping by.

Paul Cervantes

January 23: Stuck in neutral

January 13: My friend & favorite watercolorist